Wish, Wait, Hope, Pray

Well I’m not sure when I decided to do No! No! No! November that November would say No! No! No! to me. My quiet month has turned out not so much. Little Miss’ vaccinations followed by our H1N1 shots (yes we got them, no I’m not really interested in getting into a discussion about it but as I told someone who questioned me – I’d throw myself in front of a bus for my daughter so getting a shot in the hope that the antibodies will protect her is kinda a moot point) and then some financial set backs (a theme for us in 2009) followed by a last minute baptism (not us) and a whole slew of sudden social invitations I’m not batting 1000 on my no’s. I’ve managed to avoid caffeine and for the most part wheat (except when I’ve eaten something I thought was thought was wheat free by accident) but the booze is out the window (who am I to turn down champagne and 20 year old port?) and the exercise thing is tough. I’m struggling with very painful knees (the 30 day shred isn’t exactly low impact) but worst of all is that its not exactly nursing boob friendly. Seriously aren’t you supposed to move your arms when you do jumping jacks rather than holding onto your milk-full boobs so they don’t explode? I’m going to have to back off a bit – my goal is to try to keep to every other day because it is a good workout and then next week I’m hoping to get a referral to physio because my back has been sore since Little Miss arrived (I’m sure its from breastfeeding but not entirely sure what to do about it!) and I don’t want to be beaten by evil Jillian.

I’m also struggling with blogging. I really want to write but (a) I can’t really construct sentences that make right now, (b)  I’d rather look at Little Miss than the laptop, (c) seriously, how does anyone find the time and (d) there’s so much going on in my head I feel like I need to figure some of it out and then make sense of some/any/a snippit of it before publicly declaring anything.

I think part of my reluctance to focus on writing is that I am so enjoying Little Miss that I resent having to do any sort of work that takes my focus away from her angers me. I know that never again in my life will I have a year to dedicate solely to my daughter’s (and my own) growth and development. Its like I’m constructing the foundation of a great building and I know if I keep taking my eyes off what’s going on the building won’t be as dynamic as it could or should be.

I’m not saying I’m disappearing but, like every new parent, I’m learning that everything has a trade off – want grown up time with the other half? You’ll have to stay up late after the baby goes to bed but then you get less sleep. Its all about actions and consequences and I’ve just started to learn what I’m willing to give up and what I’m not so sure about. It might not be so interesting to you but I’m actually finding it fascinating. Long may it continue!

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